I started teaching Yoga when I was 36, I had just returned from 6 months in India spending at least 4 hours a day practising Yoga and eating less than I was used to back home. I felt great about myself physically, emotionally and mentally. I had a history of running training courses so being in front of people was not so much of a concern, aside from the usual nerves of teaching something new.
Over the years I have had injuries, changes in my life, I’ve naturally aged and gained some pandemic (or perhaps perimenopause) weight!! Through the past 18 months I have started to get eczema in the colder times, on my face and hands. I am now teaching more online and have started pre recording some courses/ classes. Whilst I enjoy doing this, there is also a part of me that hates looking at myself on the screen so much!! I am sure most people feel this way.
It’s made me think….when I became a teacher I was one way and of course I have changed over the years. When you are front of people they also get to witness the change in you. This is something I had never considered, that I might have to be prepared to stand in front of people even when I am not feeling to great about myself, be it physically or emotionally.
Yoga teachers are just human too, it’s not like we float around all the time feeling svelte and at peace with everything in the world. I know it’s a cliché but Yoga is a constant practice, we learn tools to self regulate, to balance, to support, to listen, and then we have to remember to use them!
Each time I catch myself beating myself up for how I look, I have a word with myself and remember that Yoga isn’t about the outside, it’s what is going on inside that counts. That’s not to say the inside is always perfect either, as I said it’s an on going practice.
Yet still, as a business owner I have to continue to promote myself and keep my photos etc up to date. Sometimes before pressing “post” I look at myself and cringe. But then I remember the importance of keeping it real. We will all change, we will all age, weight will fluctuate and what is important is the message. The teachings that we have to share. The holding space for others to explore, to rest, to be and to be free from all of this self doubt and criticism (even if just for a little bit).
I am writing this to acknowledge that us teachers are simply human too, we still have doubts and insecurities ourselves. Practicing Yoga can make it a bit more bearable and provides tools to quieten the voices, to connect to the place within where none of this matters at all. Where everything is beautiful just as it is.
Somethings that I have learned is to be aware of who I follow on social media, to encourage more accounts of people showing their real selves, curves and all. To appreciate my body for all it does for me, it’s energy, strength, intuition and resilience. Also, to not care so much, to turn up as I am and to be real, in hope that this inspires others to do the same.
No I am not a lithe 20 something yoga teacher in a crop top, I have a cake belly and double chin but over the years I think I have gained a bit of wisdom that I can share. :-)
