Is there an area of your life that just isn't working right now?
If so, then make some time to work through these following questions.
On a scale of 1-5, 1 being none at all 5 being completely
- How much certainty do you have in this area?
- How much variety do you have?
- How much love and connection are you experiencing in this area?
- How much significance (feeling a bit unique) do you feel?
- How much growth are you experiencing?
- How much are you contributing to others?
Personal development guru, Tony Robbins, has identified that we have 6 human needs; certainty, variety, love & connection, significance, growth and contribution. The first 4 need to be in balance:
Certainty vs Variety
We need a balance between certainty in our life vs variety. We need to know we have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, money coming in for example. On the flip side we also need to feel some variety, having different experiences and not doing the same thing every day. If there is too much certainty, if everything is always the same, then this can lead to boredom. On the other hand if there is too much variety, everything changing, being different all of the time then this can lead to overwhelm.
Love & Connection vs Significance
We all want to experience love, not just romantically but a sense of connection with others. If we need it too much though it can lead to co-dependence and lack of self esteem. On the flip side it's important to feel like you are a bit different from everyone else, significant, that there is something a bit special about you. Michael Jackson was a classic example of when significance goes too far and he ended up being completely different from everyone else around him. Too much significance can lead to a feeling of separation from others.
These are the four basic needs then we also have two higher ones; Growth and Contribution. The need to feel like we are growing and that we are making a difference to someone else. With out these there is limited expansion.
Now we will do anything to make these needs happen but not always in a way that is healthy to us. For example staying in an abusive relationship to still feel that connection with someone even though it's damaging, taking drugs to alleviate boredom, or getting completely drunk to escape when things just feel too much to deal with.
Back to that area you are struggling with at the moment. Have you noticed what need(s) are not being met in their area?
Now ask yourself the question for the Human Need that appears to be missing most:
What do I need to do right now to have more (X) in my life?
If it is not in a particular area – can I see it in other areas? (For example: If I need more ‘Love and Connection’ in my career, do I actually have that need fulfilled right now by my family or friends?)
This is a great exercise to do to clarify what actions to take to get you feeling back on track. Also to explore the others areas in your life where your needs actually are being met, maybe you just hadn't acknowledged it yet. In doing so shifts can occur.
Have a great week.