We all have times in our lives when we feel out of sorts, like something isn't working. It's not often clear what the missing piece of our inner peace is though.
If only we could find out what it is we need to get back on track.
A tool I use that I find really useful when I am coaching people to work out what they need is Antony Robbins model of 6 Human Needs.
Even though we are all unique Robbins believes underlying this we all have 6 fundamental needs that we all work towards getting met. When something feels out of sorts it's because one of our needs is not getting met.
The first four needs work together and need to be balanced.
Variety v Certainty.
We need new stimuli, new experiences, variety in our lives. If it gets too much though we can feel over whelm. So we need to balance it with certainty. Knowing we have a bed to sleep in and food to eat for example. If everything is certain though we get bored, we need to spice things up!
Significance v Love & Connection
We want to feel a bit different from others, like we're a little bit special, significant. However if we feel so removed from the people around us it leads to a feeling of disconnection. We also want love and connection with others but if that need gets too strong then we can become dependent. There needs to be a balance between the two.
Once these needs our met we then start to consider the other two:
The need to want to help others and make a difference. Deep down this is our true nature and we all like to give, just when our own basic needs are not met somethings it can feel hard to connect to this. Once we are in a good place we can help others.
We all like to grow, to learn new things, to develop. Sometimes we put this feeling on the back burner whilst sorting everything else out but sooner or later we'll feel that need again to progress, to move forward.
So if you're feeling stuck, run through these needs asking yourself if they are being met in this area? For example:
Is there variety? If not what could you do to get it?
Is there certainty, do you feel secure with your partner? If not what do you need to feel this?
Do you feel significant, recognising your own unique role in the relationship? If not what can you do to connect with it?
Do you feel love and connection? Is it healthy? If you're feeling dependant what could you do to feel independent again? If your connection is lacking what could you do to relight the fire?
Are you growing whilst together? If not what could you learn?
Are you making a difference? if everything is great then what could you both do to go help others? or maybe each other?
You can apply these questions to all area of your life. It's an effective tool to find out some next steps to take to get back to feeling on track again.