It’s 10 years this month since I started my Monday 6pm class at Revitalise, I am still teaching it now. At stages like this it can be interesting to reflect on how my teaching has changed over the years. The journey of a Yoga teacher, as anyone else, is always evolving. How I was then is very different to how I am now.
The first three years.
Before moving to Brighton, I spent a week there sussing it out, where I wanted to live and where I wanted to teach. I went to a class at Revitalise and knew that’s where I wanted to be. However, I didn’t think I would even get a class in there. Back then it was one of the main studios in Brighton, and there were not that many.
When I started teaching yoga I felt like an imposter. I didn’t know enough, there were other teachers out there with way more experience than me and busy classes, I couldn’t do all the poses and I didn’t have enough money to buy all the fancy yoga clothes I thought I “should” be wearing. I didn’t have a “guru” and particular teacher from a lineage and somehow back then I felt like I “should”. I just enjoyed a variety of teachers for different reasons.
I spent hours planning and rehearsing classes. In the first year I often only had 1 or 2 people in class in my Monday 6pm class. I was making no money.
Then those people recommended me and slowly (very) it began to grow. I learnt consistency, just showing up and being really present for who is there is key.
Back then Revitalise had two centres, Western Road and Church Road. I started 3 more classes in the Church Road studio as it as round the corner from my flat. This grew and by the time I met my husband I was teaching Monday to Thursdays, sometimes 2 classes per night.
I never set up a regular weekend class as I knew I wanted to keep some boundaries and have weekends for the rest of my life. However, I did start a monthly 3 hour Saturday workshop which I loved creating and diving in deeper with students. The workshops were also an opportunity to earn a good chunk of money as the regular classes were so up and down.
I was forever taking CPD courses, on a never-ending quest to learn more and feel “enough”. I love learning and the initial 200 hours Yoga Teacher Training really is just the tip of the iceberg, it’s like an introductory course.
Thankfully prior to teaching Yoga I was already a life coach and a trainer in a business. I was used to teaching in front of people, creating courses and I already had a positive mindset from the self-development I had been doing. Even though there were still the imposter syndrome feelings…..
During these first years I realised I needed to develop determination, trust, faith and patience. This clearly wasn’t going to be an overnight success and I had to stay focused on what was important to me; working for myself, doing what I love and helping people.
3 - 6 years
By 3 years I was teaching a lot of regular weekly classes and I had started running retreats for Adventure Yogi, then later some of my own. I was doing about 8 retreats a year. Things felt like they had began to flow and money was coming in, finally. I didn’t have a free night in the week, I was often away for at least one weekend a month and teaching one workshop a month. By now I had met my soon to be husband and life felt very busy!!! I was juggling a new relationship, adjusting to being a step mother and working a lot of hours teaching.
This was all I had dreamed of; living by the sea, doing what I loved and in love.
However, I started to feel exhausted! There was a lot of giving out energy and not much giving back in. For about 3 Winters in a row I was struck down with a bad virus and lost my voice completely. I hurt my back in my early 20s so had a weakness there and it started to “go” every now and then. This was not good when teaching is your job. It was like my body was telling me to stop and REST!!
Thankfully by now I had discovered Yin Yoga and was already doing trainings and workshops with Norman Blair. Yin Yoga taught me to be still, to slow down and go inwards, to balance my Yang energy. I started having acupuncture regularly and eventually I was earning enough to also be able to have regular massages.
Taking a 10 day Vipassana meditation course and my Yin yoga practice really had an impact on the whole of my life and the way I teach more dynamic practices. Everything became a bit less “striving” and moments of stillness and presence became priority.
I started teaching Chair Yoga and Floor based Yoga at the MS Centre in Southwick which was completely different to teaching in a studio. I actually felt like I was really helping make a difference to peoples week. It was a chance for them to connect with each other, tea and chat is all part of it, and to move their bodies which some were not able to do on their own.
My back injury and teaching at the MS Centre have both served me well to learn how to make Yoga adaptable and accessible to all bodies.
Classes, workshops, retreats were flowing and I felt that finally work was coming to me rather than me having to go out so much to find it. My teaching was evolving with all I had been learning and I was starting to realise I didn’t have to be a certain way, I just had to be me!! By now I had taught so many classes that I didn’t have to prepare as much, I already had a bank of classes/ sequences/ quotes I could draw upon when needed and I was starting to learn to be more intuitive. I did still love creating though, it’s part of what I love about teaching so I didn’t throw the planning stage completely out of the window.
6 - 9 years
In 2017 Clare Francis from Harmonise Academy asked me if I would consider running a Yin Yoga CPD course for her Yoga students. I have learnt over the years to say Yes to opportunities especially if they feel a bit scary. This felt REALLY scary, Did I know enough? Who was I to run a CPD course for teachers?! I loved creating the course and felt supported when Norman Blair gave me words of encouragement. I was able to run my course plan via him in a mentoring session and this really helped me to give me some peace of mind. However, on the first day of teaching the course a year later it hit me…..I was teaching teachers, argh!!! There would definitely be people there who knew more than me.
One of the teachers on that course managed a Yoga retreat in Goa, Ashiyana, a place I had been to years before and had always wanted to go back to. It was my “dream” place. After the course he asked me if I would consider running a Yin course with him out there……..errrr YES YES YES!!!
The following Winter there I was teaching Yoga in Ashiyana, to me the most blissful place on earth. My dreams had come true.
I continued to run my Yin CPD courses 4 times a year in Brighton and they were flowing well. I love teaching them, Yin is my “thing”. I love meeting other teachers, sharing all I have learnt from different teachers over the years so that they can find their own style of teaching.
Christmas 2018 I moved to Worthing. Well, I should say that my husband did the move as I was out in India running a retreat and the Yin training at Ashiyana.
Moving to Worthing created a big shift. I could no longer teach so many classes in Brighton, I didn’t want to be driving to and fro. I dropped my classes there to just two nights a week. In a way it was like starting my business all over again. I didn’t really know anyone in Worthing, and starting a weekly class again was like going back to scratch. I had 1-2 people again but this time round I didn’t have the energy to put into it like I did at the start.
Thankfully I still had my MS Centre classes, CPD courses, workshops and retreats and I just decided not to put too much pressure on building classes in Worthing. I trusted it would flow in the way it was supposed to. It gave me the chance to revaluate my teaching schedule to create one that felt more sustainable.
Then Covid hit.
The week of the first lockdown I was due to run a Yin Yoga CPD, we took it online. 4 people were open to giving it ago. Through all the lockdowns I ran classes, trainings and workshops online. It was a bit of a novelty not having to travel anywhere, just to walk upstairs to my step daughters loft room/ aka the yoga studio. I surfed the frustrations of internet connectivity, sound problems and being able to angle the camera just to right way to not see so much of the bed and toys. It got me through, it gave me a sense of purpose and like in some way I was helping people through this crazy time. It provided some connection which was so lacking.
During lockdown I started doing a lot more training, it seemed like the perfect way to spend my time and get through the craziness. It was mostly with a particular teacher who ended up creating quite a bit following. There was a group of us who were doing classes, trainings and workshops with him most days. Again, a sense of community and doing something useful. I thought I would come out of the pandemic with so many amazing new skills to be able to help people with. I did but something unexpected happened.
Sadly this teacher ended up becoming very controlling and emotionally abusive to some of the group. There was a point when after having on a pedestal for so long the cracks started to show. He was telling us teaching yoga was bad, yoga teachers were “super spreaders” and that he would show us a “safe” way to help people. I hate to be told what to do. I still loved Yoga, it’s part of who I am. After a long catalogue of events, we all stepped away from working with this teacher. It was very painful and a huge shock to the system after thinking he was so amazing to realizing he wasn’t perfect. The thing is no one is. We all have our flaws. You just can’t put anyone on a pedestal. Over the years so many “gurus” have been accused of abuse.
This point though was a turning point for me to no longer feel like I had to have “a teacher”, that actually I have a lot of wisdom in my myself. All the teachings from all various schools and ways of thinking actually point to the same thing and that is within me. Plus I already know many great tools/ practices to support myself and others. Years of practicing them myself allows me to share them with confidence.
Rather than putting my trust and faith in others…..I had to start to really go within and trust myself. I can see there is a season for learning, for developing new skills and knowledge and then a season for embedding, integrating and becoming it. This takes time.
Now….
Pre Covid I thought I had “made it”, now nothing is certain. Classes and workshops are often full but sometimes not at all. Last weekend I taught a workshop which could have held 20 people, I had 7. I used to have a minimum for the Yin courses of 5 people, they were usually full, now I run them for 3. To be honest I am just grateful for still being able to do what I love.
After 10 years I feel at home in myself and what I have to offer. I have learnt a lot, and sometimes I will continue to learn from others, but now it’s more about being in nature and drawing inwards to hear my own wisdom. The teacher Judith Hanson Lasater speaks of allowing yourself to become a vessel for the teachings to come through you, I like this. I feel the draw to simplify my life, to sit in trees and to practice outside. I am lucky enough now to be teaching regularly at The Yoga Garden which is a yurt on Knepp Estate. I see rabbits hopping outside, woodpeckers tapping on the yurt, deer passing and storks nesting.
I feel drawn to sound, after years of enjoying sound baths I have been building slowly my own collection of bowls, a gong, a drum and other instruments. I love playing them intuitively and guiding people into a deep state of presence with them.
A daily 20 min Savasana or Yoga Nidra has become one of my self-care rituals, as well as morning cacao, journalling, and walks by the sea or up on the South Downs. My yoga practice is different every day, I do what I feel drawn too and now I am in perimenopause I’m learning how to support myself through this time, so sometimes I include weights. I guess after all these years I have dropped so many “shoulds” and have learned to just trust and be myself (no matter what I am wearing 😊).
