There are different kinds of fear, for example; phobias, fear of doing something that scares you, of missing out, of not being enough, of what others think, the fear of something life threatening, fear of losing someone or something and many more. In Chinese Medicine the Winter is associated with the Water element and the emotion of fear. Interestingly it’s the darkest time of the year, and people often fear the dark.
Don Miguel Ruiz said in his book Mastery of Love:
Just as your body is made by cells, your dreams are made by emotions. There are two main sources of these emotions. One is fear, and all the emotions that come from fear, the other is love, and all the emotions that come from love. We experience both emotions but the one that predominates everyday people is fear”
It can be common to block out fears, to be too busy to have to face them. The darker months of Winter perhaps give us a bit more time and space, to reflect and acknowledge how we really are. In turning towards our fears, giving them space to be seen you can ask “what can I do about this?” or perhaps “what is this teaching me?”.
Fear of doing things that scare me have taught me to be brave, to not let anything stop me doing what I want. When I feel the inner rising of fear within me I have learnt that the situation is something I should do. I know that when I “feel the fear and do it anyway” (Susan Jeffers) I am on the precipice of growth and of building my self confidence. I see it as an inner compass now.
On the flip side I can also see that fear has helped me to be safe, to not get my self into situations where my life could be at risk. Of course is is not completely avoidable as you can’t control what others do but you can make some choices to help minimise it and move through life as safely as possible.
I remember someone telling me a quote once that always stuck with me; “fear is excitement without breathing”. I remember this before I am about to do something that feels a bit scary.
I have learnt that if I don’t face my fears they some home come back to bite me so I am forced into facing them, such as a time I was too scared to leave a relationship I was in for fear of hurting my partner, to later find out he’d been cheating on me for a year anyway! Or the other time I was scared to leave a job I was unhappy in to then be made redundant. If we don’t take control life will.
Fear can create tension in the body and mind, in the form of anxiety. One tool we have to help this is the breath, another could be acupressure. Following is a sequence to help relieve anxiety, calm the mind and feel settled in this moment.
Gentle slow breathing - I recommend coherent breathing which is breathing in for 6 and out for 6 which brings the nervous system into balance. (you can find “Coherence - 2 Bells” on Spotify to breathe to)
CV17 - Sea of Tranquillity (centre of sternum, where your thumb lands when hands are together in prayer)
Yin Tang (the forehead centre in between eye brows)
K1 - Bubbling Spring (Underneath the ball of the big and second toe just where the arch of the foot begins)
Spend at least 3 minutes pressing into each point as you breathe slowly. Pay attention, notice how each point makes you feel
It can also really help to journal about your fears to get them out of your head, voice them to some you trust and have a bit of a dance/ shake around to release build up of energy.
Fear is here to serve us. To keep us safe, also to help us learn and grow. There’s a difference between life threatening fear which helps us to do what is the safest option to protect ourselves and then there is going out of our comfort zone to grow.
So rather than fear fear, we could turn to face it, thank it, give it space to be and breathe. From here trust that clear thinking will guide you through to what is best for you. Things always have a way of working out for the best in the long run.
