Our human mind is very quick to make us feel bad about ourselves if we are not careful. You would think we would only nurture and say kind things to ourselves but sadly this is not always the case. We can have a tendency to knock ourselves when we are down. Simply being aware of this and watching out for a few sneaky words that creep in and made us feel bad can change all this though.
Following are a few words and phrases to watch out for;
IF; “If only it had been different”, “If only I hadn’t done X” If only keeps us stuck in the past. “What if X happens” is where our mind is running of into the future worrying about the “what if’s”when they haven’t even happened yet and may never do. It’s a really waste of our energy, right now is where we create our future so instead focus on what you can do in the moment to steer you in the right direction.
Should/Ought; When I am coaching someone as soon as I hear the word should, I hear alarm bells. Anytime you feel like you “should” do something it’s usually when you are trying to live by someone else’s values. What your friends would do or your parents think you ought to. It will always condemn you as to do something that is important to someone else but not yourself will never feel right, your motivation to succeed won’t really be there and you could be setting yourself up for failure. Instead look to what you really want, how you feel is right to behave and follow that. Only you know what is best for you and it doesn’t have to be the same as those around you.
Enough; “ I'm not good enough”, “I am not slim enough”, “I am not good looking enough”, “I don’t have enough”. Compared to what? The word enough leaves you feeling in a world of lack. Instead focus on what you do have, what you are grateful for and all your great qualities you have to offer.
Always/Never; “I always”, “I never”, these two sayings provide such an easy justification to keep behaving the way you are and to condemn others. It’s not true and we are not that consistent.
Can’t; This little word cuts of possibility, anytime you find yourself using the phrase “I can’t” ask instead “How can I?”.
Therefore/which means; Our human minds automatically search for the meaning of any event, and often when we are not given the meaning we make it up. However it is not always the truth! EG “He didn’t call which means I did something wrong/ he doesn’t like me/ there is something wrong with me”. “I did not help that old lady across the road therefore I am a bad person” “I got cross with my child therefore I am a bad mother”. Be careful of the assumptions you make they are not always accurate and we are very quick to make an event mean something bad about ourselves.
When X happens then I will be X; “When I get my pay rise then I will be happy”, “When I get on holiday then I will relax”. How about if you were to be happy or relaxed right now? Don’t put off your feelings to a later date, it may never happen. Pay attention to the things you say to yourself and make sure they support you rather than setting yourself up to feel bad.